I Am Not a Perfectionist

Or maybe I am. Perhaps that's why there are times that even the thought of trying to achieve something can feel debilitating.

The white paint had just formed the "k" before I realized I'd gained an audience---a very opinionated, inquisitive, wiggly audience. I'd stolen what I thought was a quiet opportunity to finish up the piece I was making for my brand logo. As a stay-at-home mom with a never-ending list of tasks to do---and never-ending interruptions---I have to seize those brief periods in order to give in to my creative itch. Often these moments seem to come and go too quickly, as in this case. My children, previously occupied, couldn't ignore that Mommy was doing something quietly on her own.

I tried to push down the annoyance of feeling crowded, with a child on either side of me literally breathing down my neck. Soon a pair of little toddler hands was clawing at my knee while I tried to hurry and write out the two small words. Realistically I might not have the opportunity later in the day, and I'm often too tired in the evening to do much more than have a mug of herbal tea and climb into bed. Plus, the dried ink painting had been taunting me from the kitchen table for long enough.

I've developed a now-or-never mentality when it comes to being creative, which means there's not much opportunity to strive for perfection. And I'm becoming okay with that. Even with my elbow bumped periodically and six wide, blue eyes watching me, I held my breath and shakily finished up the rest of the letters. I looked at the now finished piece that read "Inky Ivory."

It wasn't perfect. Nowhere close.

You see, if I strove for perfection, I would be setting myself up for failure because, truthfully, I'm not capable of my own high expectations. Even if I was, I've learned that I don't want that kind of pressure. It's inevitable that I'll get grumpy under the stress and it will rob me of the joy that could've come from whatever it is I'm trying to do. I've spent too much of my life beating myself up and quitting various endeavors, sometimes even before starting, just because the thought of making/doing/becoming something felt so impossibly out of reach. There are many ways to choose to live life, but that's not one of them.

Good Enough For Me

So, my brand logo is imperfect. I've learned a few techniques since that makes it look juvenile and clunky to me now. I could've done better. But it's finished. Sure, I could redo it, but I'm using it as is because it reflects the experience I had while making it and shows where I am on my journey. I'm choosing not to be a perfectionist. I'm at peace with my choice. I don't think I ever had it in me to be one, anyways.

There's a saying I've noticed among fluid artists that goes: "Do it for the process." That resonates deeply with me; and not just with my artwork, but with everything else in my life: raising children, my relationships, my simple progressions as a human being. A finished project feels nice, and so do the compliments, but those feelings don't compare to what it's like to help something beautiful take shape before your very eyes.

I may not have it in me to be a perfectionist, but I've always had it in me to be a writer and an artist. Perhaps I'll never be stand-out amazing at either because it's not worth it to me right now to push myself to achieve what most may term as "greatness." Thankfully, greatness isn't my primary objective. My goal now is to continue to discover---and share---the joy found in the process of creating.

My creations, subpar or not, are good enough for me because they bring me joy.

I hope you join me on my creative journey and find joy in your imperfect creations, too, whatever they may be.