Being a Dream Chaser

Dreaming big dreams--well, that's easy. But chasing those dreams...that's a whole 'nother story.

Recently, I re-watched the movie The Greatest Showman. It's been out for, what, maybe a year now? I'm truthfully not a huge movie person, but when I got home after seeing it for the first time, I immediately bought the soundtrack then purchased the film itself as soon as I could. It's one of those movies that tells a story so dynamically that you want to relive the feelings you had while watching it over and over again. And I have.

As I watched it this most recent time, however, I was touched even more by the main character than I've been before. There's a lot to admire about P.T. Barnum: his vibrant imagination and seemingly limitless drive. His humanity is real, too, as both his virtues and vices are shown. He found a way to see his dreams become a reality, spectacularly failing a few times along the way, but also seeing great success.

Have you ever been able to relate to him about some dream--some ambition or project? Has your head ever been so full of ideas that they pester you to the point of preventing sleep? These ideas keep coming as a barrage, one leading to another better one, leading to another brilliant one. They are so exciting that you can hardly wait for it to be daybreak, because then you can grab hold of these swirling, elusive theoretical thoughts and transform them into something tangible.

This has been a problem me for the past three or four years. I'm losing sleep because of these ideas (and also because of my baby-turned-toddler, who has never been that into sleeping, unfortunately).

But losing sleep is just the little problem. The BIG problem is that even though my head is full at night, my hands are full during the day. I often feel helpless to grab hold and wrestle these dreams into a concrete reality. Instead, during daylight hours my hands are wrestling with a toddler for a diaper change, or driving to run errands, maybe scraping dried mashed potatoes off the floor or cooking a meal. Real life gets in the way. It always seemed like a valid excuse that I believed--there's no time and no way. But though I've told the dreams they'll have to wait, or even to leave me alone, they are still there every night.

So I've decided baby steps are the only way out of this mess, and more importantly, to be 100% okay with baby steps. This means I'm actively working towards my goals, even when the only actual work I get done is during a nap time that may or may not happen. At some point, I decided that a snail's pace is better than standing still and wondering if those dreams will stay or eventually drift off. Just like I want my toddler to stay, even when he's driving me crazy, I want the dream to stay, too. They are both worth losing sleep over.

The choice to not be resentful toward my slow progress has come as I've internalized the truth that I am the creator of my own life. I can choose what I do, and no one is holding me hostage to it. So even though I still choose to change diapers and run errands, sometimes the mashed potatoes on the floor stay there longer than others might feel is appropriate. But those dirty floors mean more than a stepped on surprise, they also suggest that I'm providing my children and my soul sustenance, as they come from the food I've given them and also allow me more time to paint and create.

My head full and so are my hands. But at the end of the day, I know life is absolutely the way it should be; that good and beautiful things are to come, but that good and beautiful things are also right now. And that makes my heart full, too.